


like water sifting through sand

by casualhomesatanism



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Forgiveness, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, The Force, i have no idea what to tag this sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-08 12:33:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8845273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casualhomesatanism/pseuds/casualhomesatanism
Summary: "Anakin is afraid, and Obi-Wan knows. But there’s no malice in his spirit, only melancholy, which is fading fast as Anakin begins to calm. Amazing, Obi-Wan thinks, that someone could wield so much power in the Force, and yet never feel it soothe until he became a part of it."
post-Battle of Endor, exploring the Force—both what it means to me and how it could heal a lifetime of hurt for Anakin and Obi-Wan. it's surprisingly hard to put the universality of living beings into words!





	

“He does look good in black,” Obi-Wan mumbles.

 

Beside him, Anakin’s eyes flicker downward to fix on the loamy ground. “Of course.”

 

“Looks more like his mother, though. Leia’s got your look in her eyes. I wouldn’t test her.”

 

For the first time since he died, Anakin chuckles. They’re no longer visible to the living, not projecting their voices, but the two of them still will themselves to retain individual consciousness even after Master Yoda dissipated back into the living Force. Just to talk. Anakin is afraid, and Obi-Wan knows. But there’s no malice in his spirit, only melancholy, which is fading fast as Anakin begins to calm. Amazing, Obi-Wan thinks, that someone could wield so much power in the Force, and yet never feel it soothe until he became a part of it.

 

Endor is full of life: not just walking stuffed animals, not just rebels, but green and thriving and ever-competing beings. Anakin, who refused to meditate for so many years, doesn’t need to try now. His being is all of this, the trees, the creatures, the fungi rotting the death beneath everything. It’s not that he feels small, necessarily, nor does he feel big, like he is every part of this galaxy, though he is. It’s just that feeling all of it, all those organisms and the constant, gentle balance of their lives reminds him that the Force has never needed help. It exists on a subconscious level, pushed onward by this desire of every tiny bit of life to keep living, living, dying. He was the Chosen One in life. In death, he burns; he is ash and air, the next generation of matter, and life itself will take over from here. The burden is lifted from his shoulders. Anakin Skywalker—father, son, slave, apprentice, too full of love for the Jedi to comprehend—is free.

 

_ You understand now? _ Obi-Wan’s presence speaks without forming words, and Anakin feels everything in the same space and time.  _ In life, I didn’t think we’d be able to bring you back. Even in death, I didn’t think a Jedi could do so. But when I knew this, the way the Force really is, I knew we’d be parts of a whole. Again. _

 

Anakin would cry if he were still corporeal.  _ We always were. Don’t kid yourself. _

 

_ I’m sorry, _ Obi-Wan responds, flooding existence with his remorse. Anakin responds with confusion.  _ You lived so long with so little control, and still I fought to keep it from you. I wish your life could have been your own, Anakin. I loved you so much, and I couldn’t understand that. _

 

_ You did love me. That was more than enough. _

 

The Force trembles, like Obi-Wan is wanting to cry as well. It’s one of those nights. They had them at the Jedi Temple sometimes, usually separate and angry, though once in awhile things would go so downhill that they couldn’t avoid crying in one another’s arms. Losing Satine, Ahsoka, even Shmi, as troubled as Anakin was at that time. But now that they not only feel but are each other’s emotions, each other’s souls, it only brings them peace, not discord. Anakin wonders how they ever could have fought so relentlessly, when their spirits seem to mesh like water sifting through sand.  _ Can you forgive me?  _ Obi-Wan pleads, and Anakin emits the same question only a heartbeat later.

 

The forest is silent, besides the distant celebration. Leia’s sparkling laugh drifts through the trees, followed by Luke’s excited banter. Anakin has never felt so warm. All at once, he and Obi-Wan feel for each other again, feelings entwined, and whisper,  _ Yes. _

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't been fully able to write and feel good about it in over 3 years, and I'm finally starting to feel a little bit like my old writer-self. I think about the Force a lot, the real possibility and feeling of it, from a scientist point of view (laws of matter, energy cycling, evolution etc) and from a spiritual one. It's so hard to express those feelings in writing, which is why it's so soothing to me—I can't really think about it so much as just feel it. I really wanted Anakin to feel that serenity, too. And sometimes when I'm upset I just think about dying and being reincorporated into the universal flow of matter, and for some reason other people don't find that comforting? huh.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this! thank you!!


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